Sloppy Firsts by Megan McCafferty

Author:Megan McCafferty
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780676806649
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2002-03-05T10:00:00+00:00

august

the fifth

JUST EIGHTEEN DAYS UNTIL I SEE HOPE!

Every L.A.me E-mail I get from Bridget, every carnal carpool I share with Manda and Burke, every quote Omigod! unquote anecdote I endure from Sara intensifies my need to hang with Hope.

I’m going down there for her birthday. The twenty-third. The fact that she’d still rather celebrate her Sweet Sixteen with me than with anyone she’s met down there helps relax the paranoia I have about being replaced.

This worry will only get worse if she gets into the all-girls private school she applied to. It was a last-minute thing; one of her relatives has an in on the board of directors or something. It has an amazing visual arts program that will really help her build the impressive portfolio she needs to get into a first-class college. Great instructors, great facilities, great supplies. She sounded so psyched about it on the phone. More psyched than I have ever sounded about anything in my entire life.

For her birthday, I’m burning her a CD mix. It has to strike the right balance between sincerity and irony. Not too much Beck or too little Duran Duran. Can’t go heavy on South Park or light on Moby. I will focus all my brainpower on this project until it’s done. I need this present to be perfect. Probably more for myself than her. I need to prove that I still know Hope better than anyone else.

the fourteenth

I knew it was too good to be true. I really did. So I wasn’t shocked when my plans to see Hope fell through today. But I was shocked (and disgusted) by how I felt about the reason why they fell through.

Hope not only got in to the private school, but nabbed a scholarship. Huge deal.

I know that a true best friend would be happy for her. I know I shouldn’t be bothered by the fact that her new school starts two weeks earlier than the public school she would have attended, therefore null-and-voiding my visit. I know I shouldn’t be jealous because leaving Pineville may end up being the best thing that ever happened to Hope, while I’m still stuck here doing the same-old, same-old. Going nowhere. I shouldn’t be green that Hope is moving on so much better than I am.

But I am.

When I told my mom I wasn’t going to spend a week in Tennessee, she gushed, "Great! Now we can spend some quality time together!"

Needless to say, I won’t be quitting my job early after all.

I gotta go. I have to mail Hope’s present if I want her to still be there when it arrives.

the sixteenth

Matthew Michael Darling would have been twenty today.

As if I weren’t depressed enough.

I wonder if things were worse for Hope’s parents or mine. Hope told me that in a way, Heath’s death was a relief for her parents: They could stop waiting for it happen. My parents never saw it coming. How can you see something like that coming?

I’ve never been to his grave.

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